Sunday, February 29, 2004

wash me white as snow...

At moments when you feel just great and everything's going well....the enemy finds a way to tap into your brain and suck out whatever joy that's in there.but i won't give in.....what's one crummy situation compared to the awesome experiences i've had?
these past few days have been extremely tough... but at the same time, it feels like cookies and cream!just blissful~! I kept asking myself why we go through all these emotions of highs and lows, whacky one moment and just plain depressed the next. If I believe i am a child of God and i trust in Him...then why do i face all these 'demons' again and again. It just seems like they're waiting for me to fall.
But then i realise....hey....although i go through all dat pressure of smoking, drugs, sex, depression and self injury i have yet to give in. An idle mind is a dangerous playground. and if you've got a mind like mine you'd know not to sit around doing nothing cause then i get ideas which arent really beneficial and i end up beating myself up over things that have happened or things that have yet to happen and worrying bout work and everything else under the sun.
I really thank God for the strength to say NO and to just pick myself up and press onwards. No matter how many times i fail and i fall By the grace of God i am where i am today.I'm just sooo amazed by what He's done and no matter how many times i play the video of my past in my head.....it all comes down to one thing-- if He's called you..there's no running away.
Lord i thank you for wiping my slate clean and givin me a whole new one to write my story.
Isn't it awesome this joy that i have cause the Lord gave it to me and no one can take it away~

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Away from it
away from them
away from him
away from her
I run
Lost and confused
Seperated and removed
I stop.
Seeing your light
receiving your grace
into your presence
I run.

Currently listening to: It is well (with my soul)

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

the box

I live in a box
Where no light filters through
its hot and stuffy
and well....it gets a lil' lonely
But in my box
there's where i wanna be
Cause in my box,
I'm safe and just me.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Awesome Sunday~!

yeay! its a holiday today!!! I've got tons of work to do but...*bahh* i'm goin out! WhoopDeeDoo~!
Yesterday was really an awesome day. Went to FGC in the morning played the keyboards for service :"> kinda sucked but was okayy anyway. Then came back to cyber.wasn't feeling too well again...caught a cold but didn't wanna give in to sickness! Took a cold pil (thanx will!) Then went out to yet another service at FGA. They were having an Extreme Sunday Service. And it rocked man! A Loooooong time of praise and worship with Melody leading worship, Lek Kin and Dorin as backups , Jerome as bassist and Dj Pyros on turntables! Then the YC band came up as well performed a few songs from Heartbeat. Then Ps Andrew preached a short sermon on the book of Daniel.Here's a summary on what was sed:

"It's easier to die for Jesus than to live for Him"
1) Conforming- Daniel 1:7
From jewish names they were given Babylonian names. It was a call to conform from Jewish ways to Babylonian ways.
Be a NON_Conformist- Know God's purpose for our lives. Seek God. God's purpose shud be our focus.
2) Compromise -Daniel 1:11
Compromise is the slippery ground that leads to Godlessness.
How to prevent--->Read God's word. Be obedient. Embrace God's ways in your life.
3) Control-Daniel 3:13Web and deceit of the Devil is to control our lives.
If your focus is God, you wouldnt let your lives be controlled.
Submit to the rule of God in your lives.
Be able to say NO!.


After service had a loooong talk with a friend whom i havent talked to in a long long time. And it was good. YOu know...people around me change all the time but some true friends stay the same no matter what.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

decided to just restore everything again.
really hope my template doesnt dissappear on me again!!!!!!

arrgghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not gonna blog here anymore!!!! my template dissappeared again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
$@&$@$&$*O&%&&$%#&I&#

just emotions taking me over

Havent found time to blog recently. Finally finished my assignment on wednesday but been busy with looking for a place to do industrial training and been catching up on sleep as well. But no matter how much sleep i get it never seems to be enough.
i guess its cause i think too much- bout things i can change and things that i cant.And things that have happened and things that MIGHT happen.and its just driving me bonkers! Might have made some extreme choices and a few bad ones over the past few days. Beating myself up because of it. Emotions getting a hold of me. But i'm an overcomer. Will i be able to push it all away and carry on being the hippy-happy-mel that i usually am? most probrably yes.But it doesnt mean that it wont come back.i hate it when i let myself be overcome by the things around me.if i believe that i am a child of god.....then why do i still go thru all these emotions and come out at the bottom end?

Monday, February 16, 2004

after a loooong time.......

Finally~! *pheww*
been trying to make posts but somehow it keeps getting deleted or the page cant load and worse still...my template keeps disappearing!!! Anyways, will try and see to that as soon as i'm done with work and all. Have got a test on tuesday--Media Law (really sucky subject!) as well as a MOJOR submission on wednesday which is the tv commercial i've been working on for the past couple of weeks.
Just got back from Myanmar today as well. Family vacation i could wriggle my way out of plus it was my cousins wedding. But glad i went anyway. Had fun and although i didnt get to see much of Yangon at all....i did get to spend time with my family so that was great.
Have got a few more pictures to marker render and a few more to draw.Hoping to get some sleep before i continue but really doubt that's possible. Lord give me strength to carry on at least till wednesday!!

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Life sdn. bhd.

Went to watch this play yesterday called LIFE sdn bhd. Didn't know anything bout the play at first...just wanted to go cause Gavin Yap was in it! LOL. But it was really awesome.It talked about life in Malaysia and life as Malaysians.Really made me think.I've been here for like 20 years and 'she' never ceases to amaze me.The good and the bad. I've always been happy to be Malaysian and even more proud to be a Penangite! It also showed the actors as real people with real problems and well to me it was a really great production cause i laughed till my jaw ached and hehe even had tears streaming down my cheeks at some parts.The Malaysian art scene has yet a looong way to go but hey its moving so i say support the Malaysian Art Industry!heheh

Friday, February 06, 2004

i think God can explain

Had a test today....one which i tried studying for but unfortunately didnt manage to absorb much. Woke up early to continue studying but ended up panicing! eheh.....that's just so ME to panic and think bout every situation i'm facing right when i'm sposed to be doin something in paticular like studying! Just hate it when i let my troubles over take me and i let myself get lost in worrying.Anyways i decided to just read through my notes and spent time listening to songs just to calm me down a little. Went for the paper and it wasn't so bad after all....managed to bluff my way through.I thank God for peace of mind as i was doin my paper.
Been in a down-and-out-up-and-about mood the past few days and don't even know why. i often ask myself why, even tho i believe that i am a child of god..... i still go thru all these emotions and come out at the bottom end?Why do we let ourselves be boged down by the circumstances around us? I mean...shouldn't we be filled with joy because we're sons and daughters of the most High? I guess God allows us to go through situations for a reason....I felt a bit better about everything after reading a post on Mich's pc which sed "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it" We might find that hard to believe during those 'down' moments but i guess only God can explain huhh.
Read an interesting article recently bout Love.Really helps you see things in a different light.
As the weekend approaches i hope that it will really be a God-filled weekend and He'll let his glory shine thru my design work.eheh....who else can i seek help from if not from the greatest Designer ever!

Currently Feeling- Enlightened
Things to thank God for- The strength to carry on
Currently listening to- Splendor-I think God can explain

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

of work and stunted brain activity

it's a quiet wednesday evening.I just got back from care group(CG) where i had such a great time!Havent had a CG meeting for quite a long while and well....it was just great to meet up for fellowship which didnt involve food! :p
I've been really busy the past couple of days and i guess my work just got to me.I kinda felt like i couldnt go on anymore and i was just a useless designer.I guess my mind just drew to a complete blank and i couldnt think of anymore ideas for my work.In times of desperation and hopelessness we turn to...GOD la!and well he sent over Nicky who didnt really do much but just kept me company and encouraged me and that helped. And then Alvin came over and he not only brought noise and lots of chatter but also threw a few ideas down my way.So my work has started moving again...slowly...but surely.
As tomorrow is Thaipusam holiday guess i'm gonna be sleeping late yet again.Hoping to finish some work tonight. I just pray for strength to carry on.....

Currently Feeling: Tired
Watching: Stitch the movie (while doin work)