Wednesday, April 28, 2004

thoughts
Of past issues brought up......my mind's a whirl. Of unwise actions.... just plain stupid. Of mistakes made over and over again..... am i not learning anything at all? Of ciggies and coffee..... good barrier breaker. At the end of the day..... sleep and pray that the morning never comes.
Gross story for the day:
My belly piercing got infected...again!!!! It's all swollen with puss ooozing out and it bleeds at times. Every action has a reaction so says my mom....blehh! I dun care......ain't gonna take it out......just yet. At times like this...i thank God that, i didnt get my tongue pierced instead! Or should I?

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

of exams, results and unnecessary worry

Wonder why I was restless all day. Wonder why i checked the MMU site like 5 times. I wonder why I bother bout results and such. An A, B or C is just exactly what it is. Alphabets. Meaningless i tell ya! So an alphabet and a few numerals determine how smart or stupid I am? Do they determine how far i'll go in the future? Geezzz i suddenly feel silly for worrying bout my results. Besides, more than half my grades depend on my projects....and if art is subjective, how could they have graded me??? Who's to say my work wasn't good enuff? But of course it's all inevitable. Grades, CGPA's, its all put there just to make you feel bad about yourself. And for all you who got all A's and scored 4 flat's good for you but as its an imperfect world...it's never gonna be enough. There'll always be someone faster or smarter than you.
Strive for perfection you say? Who's to say what's perfect and what's not. It can't be measured. I am myself. Imperfections and all. Wacky, freaky, silly?, BLUR, however you label me, I still just love being me. By the way, I passed.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Loneliness.
Cause for all kinds of unplanned, unwanted, stoopid actions. But loneliness is just an excuse. Had a fun weekend in Subang. Hung out with the *ahhhem* - 'Rockstar'. All's fine when you're with good company and just chillin'. But now that i'm back in Cyber, these silly thoughts keep coming back at me and i'm desperate for work to keep my mind occupied, but its the weekend. I look for things to clean and tidy but find that I can't move. I try to draw and sketch but find my creative machinery all stuck and in need of oil. I search for my Daddy....I know He's here...somewhere...but.... I don't know what to say to Him just yet, and I crumble. I fall.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I think i'm some kinda freaky workaholic. Don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm drowning myself in work here and i'm actually loving it!!! *lol*
I don't actually like the idea of working, but working's good. Get what i mean?
Havent actually had time to deal with anything else. It's been pretty quiet at home and i've had lots of time to think bout a lot of things and I've begun to realise that although i miss the rest a lot this time alone is just what i need to get in-touch with myself, and to decide what direction I should be heading in.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Purple Power!


VIOLET



You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and belive strongly in your personal morals.




Find out your color at Quiz Me!


It's Saturday~!~!~!~!~! Gosh haven't slept-in in ages! But now that i'm awake......I have no idea what to do with myself. All alone in cyber...not miserable...but....lonely? perhaps......bored? noooooooo.....i've decided to clean up a bit. Picking up my trsh off the floor....stacking my clothes neatly.......doing the laundry......ack! Is this what its gonna be like for the next 13 weeks!!!!!!! crap!!!
I miss those 3 fellas who are in S'wak right now visiting caves and all.....I miss my laughing buddy who's back in M'ka. It's been 3 days since i last laughed! Sad ain't it. I miss the whacky songwriter who's hmm......where on erath IS he??? I miss the 'RockStar' who's probly in Subang at church or something.And my housemates!!!!!
Owhh well......i'll get back to cleaning up the house. Cleaning takes away your bluessss. EEK! I'm turning into a Monica!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Blogging from work. Super sien man!!! Don't get me wrong, i'm havin fun and all and work's great but just that when i'm done with work...its still not even 5! so i can't leave yet! Or maybe i can....hmm...shud try one day. But as for now, first week of work's been GOOD~!
ooo went Chilis yesterday evening after work. Hung out will the whole group. Don't really remember the last time we were all together. So was good catching up with them. By the time i got back...was super tired! Still feeling drained now....cant wait to get home and...sleeeepppppppp.



Monday, April 12, 2004

work?

I'm sitting here with puffy eyes and feeling totally drained. Before this i had watched Cheaper by the Dozen as i was having my lonely but scrumptious meal of Nasi Lemak. Really nice show but felt rather sad after that cause I suddenly miss my family again....and being all alone here in cyber aint helping much. Everyone else is off at IF camp.Having an awesome time i spose while I sit here feelin miserable.Had got back from work at 7.45 cause i missed the earlier train from sentral. Work was umm...quite good actually. I helped Juliana, the chief editor, organize some files ( seeeee my obsession with organizing files on my pc was put to good use!) then i did some editorial stuff and that was it. Work over. But quite strange that it took all day to do that. Owh saw Warren from This Body Broken at the office. He sits in the next isle across from me. Love my working hours. 11 am to 6 pm. heheh. ooo bumped into my brother at sentral. Was good seeing him again. Kinda miss that guy. Chilled with him before i headed off to work. Probly will be bumping into him more often now.
Really exhausted now. Goin to bed. It's 10.30. WOW! Not MMU culture at all!!!! G'nite y'all.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

part 2

After service I went with Vix to Hartamas to attend a gig. We went to a part of Hartamas which was kinda new. And as i walked up the stairs into the place where the gig was......a distinct smell greeted me. A smell which i haven't smelled for a long long time. The sweet aroma of a leaf-like substance. Then i saw the smoke coming out from a room. The scene of which anyone who watches That 70's show is familiar with. *heheh* well anyways Vix and I went in anyway. The first band to perform was Tempered Mental. (bought their demo-nice nice!) Then Sgt Weeners Arms.hehe....just supporting my classmates. Awesome stuff seriously. Quite amusing as well. Then This Body Broken performed. And that was as long as my attention span lasted. At least I got to pay attention to the 3 bands I went to the gig for before i got distracted with the emo songs and the body surfing going on. From where i was sitting, it was a rather funny sight cause it somehow looked like a freak show with people crowding around a guy who was jumping around screaming. LOL. no offence intended to the 'screamer' who i persume was just having fun and found a way to release tension that in turn caused others to jump and throw themselves around.
and then....that smell again! It seemed to have followed me.It was everywhere!!!!!!It was starting to cloud my brains.Seriously....it was everywhere...all around me.....even my clothes still smell of it. But...glad to say, I dint feel the need to join in the smell and smoke producing act. Praise God.

Resurrection Sunday~

Happy Easter! Had a great service at church. Somehow every Easter i'll end up being part of a sketch or a dance in church. So this year was no exception. Charis sang while I danced to "Just a prayer away". Felt rather awkward cause i was dancing alone plus i forgot the first few steps at the beginning of the song. But i said a quick prayer and just danced my heart out cause i know i was dancing for the Lord. And it just felt so great to be expressing myself in dance. My pastor sang 'Via Dolarosa' as well while clips from 'The Passion' was played. This is like my first Easter away from home. I usually always make it a point to go home for Easter...but somehow didn't make it back this year. But owhh well....has a great time anyway. The main message being Christ is risen!!!!!! And I've got every reason to rejoice and not be angry or to hold a grudge but to just be blissfully overjoyed that I've got a saviour and a friend who's far above anyone or anything else. Who's far bigger than any problem or obstacle in my life.
Thank you Lord for dying for me and for setting me free!

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Do i need an explanation for all that i do? Do i need a reason for emotions i go through?
Numbness that's all i feel. Maybe that's all i want to feel.
I dont want to be running but not moving. It's getting pretty tiring. I hate the scenes that surround me. Please Lord bring me some place new.

Choked. Suffocated. Stop breathing down my back! You....yes YOU! Lemme be!


Friday, April 09, 2004

the end and a new beginning

i'm done~!~!~ Wooohooo! Done with my final paper! No more exams for the next 2 sems!! Tired of studying for subjects we won't remember as soon as we leave the exam hall...or worse still...even before you enter the exam hall! :o
The end of second year in uni. On to greater and harder ordeals in life. Dang....wish i was in kindy again. I'd draw lil hearts and flowers and a house with a chimny and a picket fence. Bahhh. I'm sposed to be happy and enjoying my holls. But nooo i got my internship to think about and small projects i'm supposed to complete but am taking ages to do!
I wanna go on a holiday!! My island vacation which i've been dreaming about is put on hold...yet again.
Been lazing around doin nothing in paticular. Watching movies, catching up on reading. Thought of hanging out with my gal pal but she took off. :( owhh well.....guess i'll get back to watching SHREK. That oughta cheer me up a lil. cheerio~

Monday, April 05, 2004

Feelin much better now and have managed to study 2 chapters of e-comm. But suddenly feeling sorta sad and homesick. Maybe its just the cold pills messing up my head. I think of home where when i'm sick...my mom looks in on me and makes me a hot drink...and takes my temperature. She wakes up in the middle of the night just to check on me and brings me water. And somehow just her touch makes you feel all better even when your nose is still dripping like a faucet.
I guess its the lil' things that matters most.
I've been living away from home for the past 4 years. And it's pretty fine.I'm used to being away from home. I almost never get homesick.I'm pretty much independant and have my own little life goin on here in cyber. But I guess this year i'm starting to realise how important my family really is to me. Cause now.....there's no one to make me a hot cup of milo!!!! *grin*
arrghhhhh woke up late!!!!!! Sposed to studyyyyyyy. But i feel like crap! Got a runny nose. My back's aching! and My stomach hurts due to gastric. :(
Can i just crawl back into bed???

Sunday, April 04, 2004

awesome weekend!

Had a really great weekend! It started off with Michelle getting out of the hospital.*Praise God!*(mel does a dance round the room)And she came home packed her stuff and headed off to Taiping to recuperate. Then Leona figured she needed a break and so we headed off to Subang with Jason and Alvin. We went to watch 50 First Dates. It was a typical Adam Sandler movie i guess but really touching man! Imagine having to make a girl fall in love with you all over again every single day.Toughie.But its the movies!!! Anything's possible! And then you get to hear him singing and playing the guitar again after The Wedding Singer to some cute song as well.
After that we went back to Jason's place. Our plan every time we stay over is to watch movies till the wee hours of the morning. But sadly...i never manage to stay awake for even half of one movie! We started watching Waking Life and maybe it just required too much thinking, deciphering and brain processing and i just shut down. It was only about 12!!! And i was supposed to TRY and stay awake at least till........somebody in the movie died or something. But no...no one died....they just talked and talked and talked and talked.
And Sunday was just awesome!!! Service was really great!! Pastor Jacs spoke about Love and as usual she kept the whole church in stitches! One thing bout being in a small church...no one gets spared! She'll just call out the names of those who seem to be nodding off and she'll use anyone as an example. She might kutuk you also la but she'll always end her statements with a "But you still Love me right???" and of course no one really gets mad at her. Somehow it felt like she was giving the whole church a talk on BGR.
She said look for the 5 C's. No...not condo, credit card, car,... darn...forgot what the other 2 are.
In summing it all up she said look for someone who is Christ-like, has Compassion, is Committed, is in Control of his/her life and is Contented.
Not like i'm looking....but i guess its good to keep that in mind. ;)

Currently Reading : The Restaurant at the end of the Universe-Douglas Adams
What i'm supposed to be reading: My e-commerce notes
What i should be reading everyday but failing miserably- Purpose Driven Life

Friday, April 02, 2004

of crooks and rotten appendix

Media law's over and done with!!! weehoooo~! and it wasn't bad at all. Of course being blessed with the ability to write nonsensical answers helped a lot! I walked out of the exam hall after 45 minutes and am still wondering if the reason why i leave my exams early is cause I really have written all that I have and there's no point staying there longer or if I've just given up on trying to crap my way through questins I don't know the answers to. Come to think of it...I don't think I've ever stayed a whole 2 hours in the exam hall for any exam at all!..ohh wait....cept for maths.But you can't really bluff your way through that can you?
Well anyways after the exam I went to look for Nicky but he had left early as well and as he was walking home....he almost got robbed! Apparently he was on the phone with his jie jie when some indon guy blocked his path and hit his hand and his phone went sailing up into the sky and fell a couple of meters away. They both rushed for the phone....but some other indons nearby ran after the crook and he took off without the phone and Nicky didnt loose his beloved phone after all!So praise God~!~!
Went to see Mich in the evening and was really happy to see her looking much better and sitting up in bed.
Really glad that she's doin well and recovering fast. Was really sad to see her all sick and in pain the past 2 weeks. Her case was like 1 in a thousand where her rotten appendix affected part of her intestines and so they had to cut out those parts. We could have lost her if there was any more delay in diagnosing her condition. But praise God she's fine now~!~! :D Our house ain't the same without Michelle so we're all really looking forward to having her back.