Saturday, July 31, 2004

Ok so i'm not exactly gone. Still in the blog world. Just posting elsewhere for a bit. I just need some time to sort things out and well, get my life back together. There's like too many things goin on all at the same time.
I wish I could just take off to the beach and spend my days painting and sketching the whole day. Lazying about enjoying the sun, sea and sand. Anyone wanna come?

Sunday, July 25, 2004


Blog ends with 100th post.
It's been swell~
My world spins and turns
like a spinning teacup
and it won't stop
My wounds rip and tear
at themselves, frustrated
and they won't stop
My feet pounds on uneven ground
I stumble, slip and fall
but I won't stop...

Thursday, July 22, 2004


"I don't like the connotations of cool, which to me seems very superficial and artificial. I like the idea of someone being so passionate about something that they exude a sense of style, confidence and knowledge, the opposite to a fleeting ephemeral expression. I don't think 'real' cool is something you can manufacture. It's a normal state of being when you really live your beliefs" - Ann Kelly, Sons + Kelly 21

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

numb to pain

I was in the shower yesterday when i accidentally snagged my loofah on my belly ring. My piercing started to bleed. I unscrewed the balls which hold the ring in place and took it off to survey the damage. It looked scarred and all red with blood, but the strange thing was that it was painless. Usually we'd associate blood with pain. But is it possible to be numb to pain? Like maybe my wound has gone through so much trauma that it just gets numb and you don't feel a thing anymore. I wonder if it applies to only physical wounds or does it work for emotional ones too?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

a break

Comin to you online from the Gurney Hotel Penang. Everyone's gone out shopping or something while i just got up from bed. Only slept at 6am yesterday cause i was catching up with my movie time back home. Plus i had a friend over so we were talking and all till like 6 this morning. Really thought i'd be able to go back to KL today...but I was coerced into staying one more day. I kinda miss my lil home in Cyber and all you people who make my life swell over there. I kinda miss work too. Just thinking bout what's awaiting me when i get back! havent got much time left there. So i'm hoping to make the most of it.
Well the time back home has been well....a mixture of events which can be thought of as good and bad in certain aspects. Family gatherings were the highlight of the week and our thanksgiving dinner was AWESOME! Malcom's doin soooo much better. He's walking around. But he's still rather weak so we're still keeping him in prayer.
Other than that, Everything's just fine and dandy on the surface. Know the feeling of being all torn up inside but you still manage to put on a brave and cheerful front. I wonder if that's being optimistic or is it just hiding your feelings and not accepting things that go on in your life?

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Let That Be Enough
Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Yeah who am I just a kid who knows he's needy

I'm not one who likes pasting lyrics and saying 'owh i feel just like what it says in the song' or 'this song speaks to me'. But at a time like this when my own words fail to describe what i'm feeling or going through right now, this is all i have. Except the part bout the birthday. I'm not 22 and my birthday's a LONG way away.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

what to do with news?

I hate reading the newspapers. There's hardly any good news around the world these days. People are either getting killed or there's just mass destruction everywhere! But then cause I need to keep up to date with current events and be in the know bout stuff going on around so i can write bout it, I'm FORCED to read the freaking newspapers!
I almost cried once while reading the papers cause every page i turned had news bout rape or death. Today I was doing my usual flipping through the newspapers when i read bout the incident at Hartamas where this guy was beaten up to death in front of his fiance. What really irks me is that there were probrably a hundred over people standing around and not doing anything! Hartamas is like over-populated most of the time and especially at Uncle Don's where it's considered the main eatery. I find it hard to believe no one dared to stand up to those thugs and help the guy who was being beaten up. This probrably isnt the first time something like this has happened. I've had someone very close to me trashed in public as well and no one came to his aid either! Are Malaysians just plain chickens? Or does this happen everywhere else around the world? I try to put myself in the scene and wonder what i'd do in a situation like that. Would i stand rooted to the ground staring in shock? would i look away and turn a daft ear to the shouts and screams? or would i jump up and try to stop the fight?

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

My mom called me yesterday just to say "Lizzie, i'm so proud of you. You're such a great daughter. I have 3 beautiful children and i love you guys so much."
Ain't that just great. *smile*

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

haha this one i like!

You are Psalms
You are Psalms.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, July 05, 2004

things dear to me

It been a whole day without caffeine. I had absolutely no time to make myself any coffee and some joker drank my coke that was in the fridge at work. Feelin sorta drained, maybe it's the excessive sleep i had over the weekend...or maybe it's the lack of it. hmm....sleep's always good. Forcing myself to stay awake a bit longer to enjoy Jimmy a lil bit more. Havent had time to fool around with Jimmy and keep him clean and nice and updated. The Bad Luck PC at work really sucks and is nothing compared to Jimmy. Jimmy might need more RAM but otherwise he's working fine! Charis is taking good care of him for me when i'm not around. Well at least i hope she is!
Had a swell dinner with Leona and Kae Ee. Felt good catching up with her and finally being able to spill the beans on some issues that i was going through. Solid girl talk is sometimes all you need to kick off your week. She's one in a million that girl. An awesome friend and one i'd be so lost without. Thanks for everything beb.
Somebody shoot me...PLEASE!!!!

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Not all quizes we take are accurate. :p
depressed timid sad
Are you alright? You probably hear that alot even
if you aren't depressed. Smile once in a while,
it's not going to kill you.

How do people see you?
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Friday, July 02, 2004

3 posts in one day...not bad ehh. Well i'm just sitting around in the office waaayyy past office hours waiting for Alvink to pick me up so we can go watch Shrek 2 and Secret Window under the stars. It's been a looooong day. Eventful, no doubt. Productive...very! Satisfying...yeah i guess. But at the end of the day, i sit down and wonder why i did all the things i did today. Because i have to? yeah probrably. Because i love my job? yeah definately. But there's still this longing for more!
My life cant just be about writing articles, designing and meeting deadlines! The need to always be on the move. Good at times but tiring mostly. Health overlooked. It's pulling me down.
Blabbering I am.
Alvin's here.
Bad Luck PC: What's wrong??
Mel: I need something stronger
It's been a rather busy and eventful week starting off with free tickets to watch the premiere of Spiderman 2!!!! Got Omar to come with me-was his birthday treat- and we went for dinner at Chinoz. Got a goodie bag full of spiderman 2 stuff courtesy of RHB. Super chun poster, and other small stuff. Movie was awesome!!!!!! Spidey rocks!!! My hero!
Decided to speak in short sentences. Way too tired to conjure up complete ones.
Tuesday to Thursday just went by in a blur. Been really busy at work and i havent had much time to do anything else. Got sick again. Still got a blocked nose and a cough. Never ending it seems. Maybe i really should take my vitamins religiously.
Well an uncle who's residing in Canada is down. Met up with him for dinner with my bro as well. Was great seeing him again. I missed talking to him. Even missed all those lectures he gives. I realised that extended family sometimes just make you feel right at home again.
We talked about things which I had put behind me, things i didnt want to bring up, but it was as if he knew the we were running away from the situation and he made us think about it and perhaps try to deal with it. Forgiveness. To forgive those that hurt you and pray for them. I gues we all have our own demons to face. I guess when trouble hit me, it hit me hard and i let go of the hand i was holding on to. I got lost in the midst of the hustle and bustle of things going on around me. It's been about a month but it seems longer. To have lost something so dear. I don't ask why but I ask what's next? To not know what tomorrow brings.... i'm excited yet scared. And still i search and yearn for that joy and peace to envelope me once again. I catch hold of His arm just in time before i slip again.