Tuesday, November 30, 2004

solitude

Rested. It's great to be rid of work and to just bask in nothingness.
I'm glad to be home alone. To have my space. Peace. Quiet. I'm me again.
Caught up with a friend. The one who truly understands. We just click. Gonna miss you. It's awesome to have someone to hear you out instead of someone who tells you what to do. I'm glad you don't try to figure me out. I'm glad you're You.
Alone with my thoughts. They don't seem so bad now. Things change. People change. But i'm glad YOU never do. Control. I lost it. But you're in charge now. No longer composed. Just out there. Free flowing. Free falling. Terrified. But i know You'll catch me. You always do...

Saturday, November 27, 2004

wrapping up Trimester 2

It's done.
Second trimester is finally over. But why do i feel like i just threw my whole project down the drain?
I know i worked really hard for it. But the end result......disastrous!
My storyboards looked like it was marker rendered by a primary school kid, my mounting was done at the last minute.....so it was all uneven and looked REALLY bad. I can't believe i passed that up.
My 3D environmental design...... it didnt turn out the way i imagined. I thank you for helping out. Really appreciate it. I didnt have time to render it so, I didnt send in my .avi file. *sigh* have to hand that in on monday.
The weird thing is....i know i started kinda early on my project...at least earlier than my friends but it sucked anyway. Maybe i'm just not cut out for this. There goes one semester. Wasted.
I still have my thesis to send to bind. I haven't even printed it out yet.
Experience gained: None
Problems solved: None
Current depression level: 5/10
Rating for this Trimester: 3/10
Life on the whole......sucks.....real bad.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

*blehh*

ventventventventvent:
No one's catching me.
No one who will say, 'I've got your back.'
No one will ever be
Not you, you or you.

on a song:
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
-AV-

on recent events:
watever la. I dun care anymore.

On my final project:
@^%@$@$#%&*^*&%&&*^&!!!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Was looking through a friend's thesis on vector art when i saw this link. It's absurdly weird. Content may be slow to load. But do check it out!
http://www.111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111.com/
(www. 60x1 .com)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I shun those who dare draw near to me
It keeps me safe
It keeps me alive
Letters, phone calls messages which didnt end well
I've said what I had to say.
I'm safe
I'm alive.

"We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful, we wish our clothes could glisten and ripple against our skins, most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them, ..." - Girl Interrupted

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Mel: Girl, you're having a meltdown!
Mel 2: Meltdown!!!! Dats an understatement!!! You're like baked, fried, steamed, beaten into a pulp, drained, drunk and pissed out!
Mel 3: True True....

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I hate it when people try to figure me out just by reading my blog. It's funny when you read something and then a dozen questions come to mind and you wonder if i'm talking about you or if "end it all" means i'm gonna kill myself.
I know its fun to read blogs but please don't think you know a person just by reading their blog. I dont know bout all the other bloggers out there but I HATE it when people think they know you or they know what makes you tick or they know what emotions i go through just by reading my blog. I appreciate the concern. But i hate being figured out. If i wanted to be figured out, i'd go to a shrink.
And just so you know, 'You, You and you' mean people in general. Not a paticular person. And I hate commenting on poems or songs i write as i feel they're self explanatory. SO dont ask questions like..."did that come from the heart?" Where else would it come from???
I don't mean to scare away readers....its just that, I feel i should be able to say whatever i wanna say without having people judge me (whether in a good way, or bad) for it. It's good to hear opinions no doubt, but just cause you read me, It doesn't mean you know me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Hurt.
Inside - out.
Now, if only i had the guts to end it all....

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Cyberjaya is depressing. Wish I could just pack and leave.
Owh wait! I can.
Goin to Jo's for the Raya break.
Away from you, you and You.
Away from the world, I run!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

You sang to us the first day at class way back in primary 2
You delivered a speech to the teachers and
offered a cendera mati instead of a cendera hati way back in primary 6.
You filled my boring sunday school sessions with lotsa laughter
when Marguarette didnt even know what the gifts of the Holy Spirit were.
We oogled and giggled at the silly churchy guys.
You were Mrs. Brad Pitt and David Duchovny and Russel Crowe!
My best days in high school were with you.
You were my Alanis Morissette and Diana Krall kaki
We're hippies at heart.
You stood by through heartaches and falls.
You excepted my faults and saw the best in me when i couldnt see anything at all...
You're my moms third daughter.
You drove all the way 'just to see me' when all i had to say was 'I'm feeling sad today'
You call me when i send you silly messages.
You're NOT a bimbo.
What's mine is yours. What's yours....I've borrowed and will return.
Your boyfriend's kinda gross but hey if you love him, I love him too!
I just wanna thank you for being true, for being there when no one else was, for being my best friend and I LOVE you!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I feel sorta Huggie today.
No I don't mean 'Huggies' like the diapers nor am i refering to Speedo's.
So well.... to you, you and You out there, here's a great big *HUG*

Friday, November 05, 2004

You're here
but you're not here
never been there
nor ever will be
thank you for.....well....nothing at all.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Signs of Stress Overload

People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:

  • anxiety or panic attacks
  • a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
  • irritability and moodiness
  • physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
  • allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
  • problems sleeping
  • drinking too much,smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
  • sadness or depression