Thursday, January 27, 2005

I'm getting exhausted.
You who I was once close with..... I'm sorry for walking out on you. I don't even know where we stand right now.
The other you ...... I don't know what to say. I dun get you. Lost a friend?
And you.... I miss you. I'm weird around you but I miss you.
Owh...and you, you're funny. *smile* I like you.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

"I'm also a profane form of an emotional/spiritual tissue-paper. When in pain, you can wipe your tears on me, blow your filth into me, and when you're done... just chuck me into a nearby trashcan. Gotta keep the country clean, you see. And when in joy, just leave me on that dusty table in the corner of your oval room. I'll have a whopping good time there... with your numerous gods and your infinite devils. My preferred function, though, is to wipe off all that make-up on your face." - Masakari
He said it so well. That's exactly my thoughts about you...

Monday, January 24, 2005

really?

I feel inclined to ask myself questions everytime i experience a certain feeling. Over the years, I've developed a fixation towards self-examination. The constant need to check myself hinders me from taking risks and being open. It turns me into such a bore and makes me so demn predictable.
Am I real? I find myself sometimes refering to people as posers or wannabes..... am I the pot calling the kettle black? Are we all guilty of being somewhat un-real at some point in our life?
Am I, what I am? well....actually....what exactly AM i?
I say I love contemporary art and Indie music. Did I condition myself to to like those somewhere along the line? I know I condition myself when it comes to feeling. Like I cut myself short and do not let let my heart override my mind. Conditioning keeps me in comfortable places that will sooner or later cause me to implode. But I feel in control.
If I can do that consiously, then maybe I could have subconsiously conditioned myself to be this person that I'm not. Maybe instead of being 'grunge' (according to Weeliem) , I was sposed to be this boy-band loving bimbo chick who's into clothes and make-up and watever else ditsy girls are into!
*shudder*
I sure hope I ain't as screwed up as that. Or I'd shoot myself.
Just a thought. Scrub that. Scary.
I'm just me.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Came back from class feeling rather crappy.
more requirements for fyp.
Any thoughts bout how Marvel comics could spice up my web on Prozac?
What bout sheep?
It would be easier if i had to sell 'Grunge' culture instead of Prozac.
Thought sleep would make me feel a lil better.
woke up feelin crappier than before.
and then........Jimmy crashed!
^$^&*$##
Someone pleaseeeeeeeeee save Jimmy!!!!!!
I'm lost without him.
Lifeless. Owh well......my pc completes me.
Emo.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Ever so subtly these feelings they crawl back in. I'm rocked back and forth in this endless sea of blue. On a constant state of departure without ever arriving.
Lost at sea? I don't wanna be.
Shipwrecked on a desolate island? That doesn't seem so bad. Tired of rowing in seas that are ever changing.
At this point of time, i'm just still. Waiting. At the 'in-between' area. Neither here nor there. Just somewhere between the exhilirating feeling of Joy and the downright depressing feeling of sadness. Some would just called that being stoned.
Where I wanna be : Immersed in your Love

Thursday, January 13, 2005

WHY??
sigh.....

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Cruising . Enjoying white open spaces. i miss cinnamon pretzels. Still in pain. Healing will come. There goes my acrobatic career. I'm still. Enjoying Garden State soundtrack. Had garlic bread. Thanks CL!!! I know i'll manage without the lot of you. but i'll still try to live with the lot of you. Missing home. missing Shannon. missing the gurls. missing the rockstar. missing people who are here yet seem a million miles away. Drunk on pain killers.

Monday, January 03, 2005

It's been exactly a year since i started blogging. kudos to all of you who started this journey as well. why Scrumptiously Crunchable? Honestly, it started out as just a nice catch phrase. Strangely, the meaning behind scrumptiously crunchable came to me as I was eating my favourite meal of toast and butter.
Last year, as i started my journey of 2004 i'd written down promises for the year. It reminded me that I had a direction in life. And at the end, was a caption which sed "I will not settle for less this year. I will not settle for just the crumbs, but I want the whole loaf."
I believe that we are meant for so much more than just a mediocre life. But the crumbs kinda represent the small things in life. The things which most people just let pass by. But I kinda like the crumbs. I savor the little things in life that most people would just dust off. It's scrumptious just the same.
In short, i just love my toast and butter.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

What is it that makes you tick?
what is it that makes you want to wake up each day?
what is it that makes you look forward to tomorrow?
Do you get tired of living?
Tired of expectations people have of you, or which you have of yourself?
Tired of having to make choices?
How do you manage to get through the day?
I really don't know.
I get tired of asking myself these questions day after day.
I don't know what this year holds. I don't even know if i'll get through tomorrow.
But i know who holds this year. And i know who holds my hand.
Uncertainties is what we live in. I really hate that.
But i'm glad to be certain of one thing in my life.
God.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

New Year

Church service was awesome. My bass ist was great.
Me: Dumbass

Something i wrote long ago

New Year

One year passed and another has come
Do we still sit and ponder
Of things yet to be done.

Mistakes made, successes had,
Makes last year one of a kind
And the year before…
Just a speck in time.

Will this year be better than the last?
Or will I just sleep through
And let is pass…
I’ve yet to determine where I land
Cause all’s not in my hands.

But every year’s a new beginning…
So is every day and every minute
So just stand up, dust off and walk on by.