Thursday, March 31, 2005

updates

I have moved!! Temporarily of course. Seem to be brain dead in my own house. Attempting to finish up my fyp at a friends place. I figured no bed....no sleep, no vcd's/dvd's..... no movies, plus, the php, flash and programming ppl are nearby!
Praying for wholeness of mind as i go on with work. Owh and I decided to re-do my website. Pages HAVE to be done by this weekend. *crosses fingers*
To quote the great Dato' Dr. Colin Pal (who probrably quoted from elsewhere) "Sleep IS the enemy!!!"

Monday, March 28, 2005

I'm kinda afraid of falling asleep. Its like i wake up feeling worse than I did before i went to bed. I don't actually have any paticular reason for feelign crappy. Can someone actually be all teary and upset for no paticular reason?
I sleep too much but wake up exhausted anyway. I have strange dreams where I'm always rushing around, looking for solutions for assignments, trying to find lecturers for consultation or for presentations in huge creepy mansions where there's always things or people out to get me. It's like one obstacle after another. And i wake up drenched in sweat.
I'm just tired u know. Of this whole 'Life' thing. It's like i'm doing this alone. I'm just feeling really lost right now. I know I have my last mile to run. But I'm just not feeling it. I'm just not 'there'. My mind's like a million miles away. How can one feel all wrong and messed up inside although things seem to be moving on alright on the outside? Ok so its not just the FYP. It's a whole load of stuff just balled into one and it's driving me crazy! Stuff which I don't really wanna talk about. But it's just there...staring at me.
You know things just seem to hit me at times when i really feel like giving up. I just got an Easter message from someone. I scrolled down to find an excerpt from an old hymn which goes:
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
My life is worth the living, just because He lives!


I sure hope there's truth in that.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Flash dreams

I've been up to my nose in work what with my fyp due next week. I'm finally getting the momentum to keep going and decided to tackle the extremely hard part of my flash scripts. I worked till bout 5.30am this morning and decided I should head to bed so that i can have a fresh start the next morning.
When you go to bed you'd expect decent sleep with your whole body and mind at rest. But what I didn't expect was my mind still at work trying to solve the Flash problems i was facing.
I needed to create a slider which when toggled made the image above change captions. Complicating I know... especially for a person who just learnt Flash 2 weks ago! Well in my dream I was franctically trying out different ways to solve the problem...... i remember seeing the Flash file and I remember saying to myself 'mask it...mask all the layers' And then I woke up.
SO yeah i'm trying to 'mask it' now. Have no idea if it'll work. But if i still don't know how to do it...i'll just create a Play button to make the animation just run through. Urghh! If only I'd started learning Flash sooner!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Messages

Finally I told my mom about it. And I think it went well. She's cool about it. Kinda knew she would be. My dad on the other hand...hrmm...i don't know but i guess he'll get over it. It's just hair anyway. It'll grow back. I feel the need to emphasize again that this wasn't an act of rebellion. It's just something i've been meaning to do for a long long time. The timing's just right. And i'm glad i did it.
There' s just some things in life that you KNOW u just GOTTA do it or spend your lifetime feeling sorry for not doing it. SO mom, if you're reading this....thanks for being understanding. I'm glad you could laugh about it. hehe. And at least you know that IF u decide to go bald too you won't look bad at all!

Besides that I wanna send a special message to my best-est friend... JO, you really are a rocking friend and I thank God for you every day!

Eric, how's Japan?? I really wanna thank you for your car! It's really handy especially since i could use it to go see Jo!! I'm taking REAL good care of it.

Afzan, welcome back to M'sia! I would have really loved to meet up with you, but...i still have a lot of work to finish before next week. But owhh well, was fun sms-ing you. Lemme know how the prank call went okay. And have a safe trip back to Japan!

Shannon! You're my inspiration. Hehe...well don't worry...they're not blaming you for my actions. Mom said she's seen all kinds of crazy things you and I do that she' not surprised anymore. Let's take it up one level and really do somethign else that would make her flip out! LOL.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Ladeedumm~!~!
I did it!
*grin*

Sunday, March 13, 2005

me: so? should I do it?
Jeff: I think you should stop taking out your frustration or anger on yourself.

Friday, March 11, 2005

The age age old question pops up in my mind again. Should I go bald or shouldn't I?
It's not something that i recently conjured up in my mind. It's just something that i've been meaning to do since I was in high school. It feels like a once in a lifetime experience and although many of you would think it's no big deal, well being a girl, in Malaysia....it IS!
I wonder if i'd look weird being bald but then i realise...i look weird anyway so it doesn't really matter. And then I think about the consequences....well.....besides getting a chill i'll be having bad hair days for months when my hair's growing out. But hey, i've had that for years!
Why now? Well i figured i'm in my final semester. I have 5 more weeks till i'm done. SO when else am I gonna get a chance to do this? I don't wanna be on my death bed thinking about all the stuff i could have done and regretting not going bald when I had the chance. Of course unless i get cancer and my hair falls off anyway. (*touch wood)
I don't think i'm one who cares about looks all that much. At least I don't think i am.
Parents? well i'm sure they'll have something to say but who ever listens to their parents anyway?
Does a girls bald head pose a threat? IS beauty measured by the hairs on a persons head? Would a masculine scalp on a feminine face make me less of a girl?
I'm still deciding though. Tough decision. I need guts!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Hey you guys.
Life so much of the suck right now.
Blog will discontinue indefinately.
Aloha.

Mel

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!