Wednesday, November 30, 2005

to 'The Girls'

Ok girls I didn't leave you out. You're just a complete different part of my life. Life wouldn't be the same without you girls. You've been such a blessing to me. I thank God for bringing you into my life right from primary school up to now. Wow, I've known some of you since i was seven!!!! 15 years and counting! wow.
I love you all loads!!!
Friends forever right. *hugz*
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Monday, November 28, 2005

wishing...

conversations with myself have resumed
fighting back the urge to pick up the phone
contemplating erasing all the pictures my Nikon captured
pictures torment you less than a memory does
i wish it were a circuit board i could fix
but then again, i know nuts bout circuit boards
my friend is 'waiting'
maybe i should too
but i'd be waiting for something that's never coming
i dont wanna be always departing but never arriving
no its not just a line from a cool movie
i'd start over if i could
i don't want things to be like it was before
i'd say i want things to be better than it was before
still missing
unable to fulfill the all-rounded Christmas wish....
still wishing...
sketch emerges.

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

sunday school lessons

I decided to help out more at church and therefore volunteered to teach the Sunday school kids every sunday. Well not teach them the bible or anything. Just regular sunday school songs. I remember loving Sunday school singing sessions and we always had so much fun...heck I STILL love Sunday school songs!
But some of the kids on the other hand, refused to take part no matter how hard I tried to persuade them to! See I aint that good with kids. Being a brat myself i sorta understood why. The cool factor! Well some of them were excited of course but they were pre-school kids who usually followed whatever the primary kids did. SO today, the older kids decided to sit out of the singing session. They said they didnt wanna do 'boring, action songs'
One kid said he wanted Simple Plan kinda songs.
*yuck*
He said he wanted something more 'grunge'
Well i did get them to sing a few songs after assuring them that when we add in guitars, we will sound more 'grunge'
SO anyway I decided to throw out the singing for now. And we had a discussion instead. Turns out they wanted to practice Christmas Carols for their big Christmas party! The Simple Plan-kid opted for Silent Night.
Its so bizzare!!!!
And then we got to talking bout games and turns out they're all video game/game boy/PS2/internet games sorta people. I didnt think i'd be able to click with them, until I mentioned that i used to play with cars, and they were like "cool! We didnt know you were that kinda person"
And then we talked about vegetables.
*go figure*
I try the 'one person speak and the rest shut up' rule. Obnoxious-kid cuts in and starts to get rowdy and suddenly the Simple Plan-kid cuts him out saying, "Hey you gotta stop being so selfish! Let her talk! You're being really rude"
THERE'S HOPE AFTER ALL!!!!
And then we talk about school and friends. And somehow Simple Plan-kid says he picks who he befriends cause he doesnt wanna mix with the bad guys and they all agree that mixing with bullies = trouble. They all did however express that they LOVED their lil' brothers and sisters and would do anything for them. Sweet huhh!. SO they DO know what LOVE is.
Then I explained to them about prejudice and how Jesus loved everyone no matter what they were. He countered saying certain kids were prejudice towards him as well because he's a Christian. And then suddenly obnoxious-kid said "I don't like Indians!"
Stunned silence.
We talked awhile more about prejudice and I explained why we shouldnt be prejudice and threw in a few bible stories. And then i turned to obnoxious-kid.
"Dude, do you know that half the people in this church are Indians. DO you know that I am an Indian. Are you saying you hate half the people in this church?"
His eyes grew wide and he quickly dropped his gaze to the ground.
The rest of the discussion went rather well I shud say. I got them to remember a bible verse Simple Plan-kid told us the story of David & Goliath. And then off they went.
It amazes me how some kids turn out real sweet while others come out as complete morons. I mean where else would a kid learn about beng rude and being racist. What's wrong with parents these days??? I don't see myself teaching kids much. But they learn crap at school! And not much at home either. I wonder how I turned out? The one thing I prayed for in dealing with kids, namely my sister, was for patience. I must have got what I prayed for. All the kids came out of Sunday School looking alright. No one got beat up. No one went home crying. SO I gues i'm not as bad with kids as I thought I was.

--------
My daddy's down!!!!
*bounce*
oh boy! oh boy!
*bounce*

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I miss you!!!!!

I took like ages to get this done. But only cause Jimmy kept shutting down on me. *ugh*
I miss you guys loads!!! Here's just to let you know that I do. Owh and if you're not up there, doesnt mean I dont miss you. I just couldn't find a pic of you. :p
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Morning Glory~

I woke up early today. The same time I'd wake up if I was back in Cyber rushing to campus for Morning Glory.
I did the usual things i'd do if i were at Morning Glory.
I lifted up in prayer The CF and all the people in it.
I lifted up in prayer my sister who's going for a dental operation today.
I lifted in prayer my church Christmas Events and for passion in the people who are running it.
I prayed for my friends and was surprised when i started tearing cause I miss them more than you can imagine.
And then I prayed for God to take away this feeling. Cause although I hate being alone, and I hate coming home to an empty house, but maybe this is to prepare me for a lifetime of being alone. I sure hope not tho. I'd be the most miserable person ever.
And then i looked back and tried to think of a time I was truly happy. I found one. But that was short lived. And I tried to think of the vacations I took. Everyone's usually happy and carefree during their vacations right. I realised I was never happy nor carefree. I thought about Perhentian, Vietnam, the Road Trip, and then Redang and even trips i took with my family to Bangkok, Chiang Mai and Myanmar. No doubt i had loads of fun. And the experience was great but I kinda only remember the reasons I was miserable during my vacations. Very little memory survives from the happy moments. Strange right.
I knew I had to pray for Joy. Joy in my work place and even joy at home. And especially Joy in everything that i do. I can't see myself being joyful. But I so need that right now....

Sunday, November 20, 2005

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"I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness stand naked in the light" Plumb

Thursday, November 17, 2005

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vast blue skies
smeared clouds
big and wide
unending
lost in it
free in it
fly away
just away...

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Swim ducky! Swim!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My most treasured piece of jewellery. No it aint platinum or gold or white gold even. It's just silver and its tiny and kinda scratched but i treasure it a lot!!!
It symbolised a significant change in my life and maybe its silly to have something so small signify something so big. But my 'cross' and my 'M' mean so much to me...
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

You know the function Alt+F4 comes in really handy right? Well usually it just closes your window but in Jimmy's case, it closes the window AND reboots my PC.
I was just thinking that me and Jimmy are very much alike. I've rebooted one too many times. I might crash soon. Well Jimmy too actually.
Life still fuckin sucks. Whoopdeedoo.


"I love you for who you are but I hate you for what you've done"

Friday, November 11, 2005

I have waaaayyyyy too much time to sit and think at home. My momma always said that "idle hands are the devils workhop" but sometimes I think The Big Guy uses these times to really speak to you and sorta corner you into thinking bout stuff that you've pushed way way behind.
I was just reading Audz blog and I realised that I miss that feeling. To be refreshed, renewed and reignited. I haven't been to church in a month! And I cant remember the last time I worshipped or raised my hands in surrender to Him.
I miss that. Crying and kneeling at the alter and feeling that warmth of His love just soak you that you feel like you're exploding from within. And you've got tears streaming down your face but yet you're grinning like you're the happiest person on earth and feeling like nothing could ever go wrong.
I really miss that...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Spike

I don't really dig lizards. Gimme any insect any day but not lizards. Well unless its Spike. I'm not like all huggy with him but he's tolerable. Like I mentioned before, he's toilet trained! And he doesn't bug you unless he's hungry. He's pretty cool. At least Shannon's got something to keep him company. He's gorgeous actually. In a monster-ish, i-wanna-eat-you way. =D
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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Just watched High Fidelity. Yeah lagging big time.
But it got me thinking bout what my top 10 songs are (Top 5 too little la)
I think i'm pretty predictable though. Owh and if I were to try and put them in order that would take like forever.

My (all-time) Top 10:
Ryan Adams-Wonderwall
Plumb - Stranded
Radiohead - High And Dry
Explosions In The Sky - Your Hand In Mine
Foo Fighters - Best Of You
Switchfoot - Let That Be Enough
Death Cab For Cutie - A Movie Script Ending
Aqualung - Strange & Beautiful
Mogwai - I know You Are But What Am I?
The Album Leaf - Eastern Glow
I wanna have a Thanksgiving dinner. I don't care much for turkey though.
Is it too early to be excited bout Christmas??
=D

Monday, November 07, 2005

choices

I hate choices.
I hate making decisions.
black or white
vanilla or chocolate.
left or right
this job or that.
I guess that's why i'm stuck in my current state.
I'm neither here nor there. And i know I should get out of this melancholic-anti-social-touch-me-not mood. But sometimes its just easier staying in this rut than getting up and putting up a facade that tells the world "it's all okay!"
cause its not.
it's really not
okay....

Friday, November 04, 2005

home...

My holiday ends today. Shall be heading back to B'sar tomorrow morning with Ken and my bro. It's been swell i guess. I got to chill with my dad and my sister most this time round. I got my sister hooked on The OC and I made my dad sit through three movies back-to-back with me.
Had fun with the girls as well on our so called tour of the island. We just ended up eating a lot and buying about RM100 worth of DVDs combined. We headed to the beach as well, but it wasnt as much fun cause the sun wasn't up and well there were weird people all around us. Owhh and some para-sailing dude landed on us so....yeah...not your typical beach experience. PLUS I had a massive headache the whole day. *sigh* But we did have fun cam-whore ing. *ahem* well not me exactly cause we all know i'd rather be behind the lens. :p
I read somewhere that if you've had to take more than two painkillers in a month for headaches you could be stressed. I take two like every week. And when I took a quiz called "how stressed are you?" i scored waaayyyyy above the chart. So I guess im pretty stressed huhh?
Ok I gotta cut this short. My brother's insane iguana's looking at me weirdly and he's like spilling his food over the ledge. I think he's doin it on pupose too! Well Ken's gonna have a ball of a time sitting in the back seat with him. *snicker* Owhh btw, Spike's toilet trained. Shall tell you bout that another time.
Toodles~!