Tuesday, September 26, 2006

i'm a guitar?

I've said it before, and i'll say it again. I LOVE Steph! She cracks me up!!!!

spirit_of_the_doll: hoho
spirit_of_the_doll: falalala
spirit_of_the_doll: i've got youuuuu under my skin....
spirit_of_the_doll: i've got you, deep in the heart of meeeee
spirit_of_the_doll: melisa ann selvadurai.....you're the D sting of my guitar
spirit_of_the_doll: the sound hole of my acoustic
spirit_of_the_doll: the amplifier of my beating heart!!
spirit_of_the_doll: dum dum dum dum
spirit_of_the_doll: your fingernails are like guitar picks made from ivory
spirit_of_the_doll:your nose as sharp and aquline as a tuning fork
melisa ann: wats aquline?
spirit_of_the_doll: your teeth as even and straight as the frets of my Fender
spirit_of_the_doll: or was it aqualine?
spirit_of_the_doll: hoho
melisa ann: aquiline
melisa ann: curved down like an eagles beak????
melisa ann: my nose aint aquiline!!!
spirit_of_the_doll: hahahahahha
spirit_of_the_doll: ok fine...another word for tuning fork...
spirit_of_the_doll: your nose ......damnit
spirit_of_the_doll: scratch the tuning fork
melisa ann: LOL
spirit_of_the_doll: bah i can't think of anymore...you distracted me

Monday, September 25, 2006

and so i long...

Friday, September 22, 2006

the project

It's on the way~!
Here's a sneak peak.


Thursday, September 21, 2006

Peace Day

Its International Peace Day!
That means for the entire day, all countries and all people stop hostilities. Its a day of global cease fire.
So wherever you are, play a part in building a culture of peace. Practice a random act of Peace cause well.... ultimately, (no matter how miss world that sounds like)we're all hoping for world peace right?

Visit: International Day Of Peace

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006


sometimes i wish i was far far away from all this hustle and bustle.
somewhere far out where my phones don't work and there's no power to plug a laptop or even an ipod into. maybe then i'd feel more connected to God. Like you'd be able to just be STILL. and not worry bout deadlines, friends, home, church and work. It would be just me and The Big Guy.

I'd have my notebook/sketch book/journal with me though. At times like that, the ideas and thoughts would just constantly flow! Like as if i'd tapped into this spring of creativity and visions and i'd be drinking up as much as i can!
Well, all that, i assume would happen IF i actually manage to get out of here lah.

Well i've come close i guess. I've had the whole house to myself the past few days, and besides my syiok sendiri dancing moments, i've had a pretty quiet time and lots of space to just think and reflect.

There's just a whole series of changes that are taking place. I'm pretty excited but at the same time wary. I don't say as much as i should and i don't speak most of what's on my mind. So i guess what i do say, weighs a lot and for those of you who've been a part of my life, i thank you for listening and understanding, sharing and caring.

I'm pretty excited bout the current project i'm working on. It will be revealed real soon. *crosses fingers* I thank you for being so enthusiastic and for pushing me to carry on.

I'm looking forward to Chiller Plant as well. Everything's still hazy now... but things are slowly taking shape. I'm looking forward to seeing you in November. We're definately making this work!

And so for now, i'll return to completing my book on life. But here's where i assume the art of just being...

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Saturday, September 16, 2006


So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential? The answer to that can be found in another question, and that's this: Which is the most universal human characteristic - fear or laziness?- Waking Life

Aside from the circumstances, pulling myself out of it, i'm at a place where I'm yearning for more yet i'm contented. Somewhat restless in contentment.
I need to refocus, but... there's just a whole circus going on in here.

I'm trying. But i fall every so often. Forgive me.
There's too much drama sometimes. I like my white empty spaces. I tend to zone-out.
Just for once, let me be.

I'm praying for you. Got me worried with the near accident. But I thank God for his hand over you guys. I admire your passion. You guys are meant for so much more! Keep on rocking! I hope this weekend opens up a door of even more blessings.

I'm praying for you too. Do know that i'd never judge you. I spoke out of concern. I don't like the person you're becoming. I miss the old you. We really do still care for you a whole lot. I hope you'll put down the defensive front and realise life is so much more than that square box you've put yourself in right now.

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Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Monday, September 11, 2006


It's September 11th.

Well not that i'm excited bout the date or anything. I know the twin towers thing happened today. But although saddened by it, that incident hasn't inpacted me in a big way. Well it just makes getting a Visa to the states even harder than before. But
anyway, over here, millions of kilometers away, 9-11 brings a whole different meaning.

September 11th 2001, I was in this little town in Perak called Sitiawan. We were at my paternal grandmothers funeral.
As a kid, the only reason why i'd love goin to Sitiawan was cause my grandmother had
this Rambutan tree out back. And as we drove through the old back roads (this was before the North-South Highway) i'd silently wish that none of the other cousins had got there yet so i'd be the first to climb the tree and find my branch to perch on and start my rambutan feast.

That lil kampung house in Sitiawan was pretty scary with its hidden nooks and crannies and there were chickens and dogs running all around, the occasional spiders, cicada and grasshoppers which we would catch. Once, a bat flew into our room in the middle of the night and started flapping around trying to find its way out. That caused such an upheaval! My poor mother was teased endlessly cause her screams had woken up the entire house!!

Back to 2001. Things were different. The house was torn down. The funeral, I didn't cry. Well maybe I did. I kept wondering if she was saved. I wondered if her soul was at peace. There was just so much suffering towards the end. I wish I'd gotten to know her better. I wished i'd learnt to crosstitch, knit and do patchwork as well as she could. She was a great story teller. I used to love listening to her. I wish i knew if she loved me. I felt like i was somewhat disliked. Being not 100% Indian. I wish colour never mattered.

September 11th 1990. I was at school that evening. I kept watching the clock. Ready for the bell to ring so i could dash off to the hospital next door. My maternal grandmother was there. We visited her everyday! That was the highlight of my evening. Being only 7, the hospital was like my playground. I practically knew it inside out. But before school ended, my brother and cousin had come to my class with tear stained faces. I knew she'd passed although they wouldn't tell me.

We'd seen her the day before. We gathered round her bed to pray and she was alert. We said Psalm 23, her favourite Psalm. She told us she loved us and she told me and my brother to look after my mom who was expecting for Jessica at that time. And then she looked at my grandfather, he held her hand and she said "Alex, I love you..." and then she drifted off into a coma. I've never seen two people more in love than my grandparents.

She suffered too. CA of the colon. But she was happy. She had us by her side right to
the end. I admire her strength. She went for chemo afraid her hair would fall out. So
she prayed! And her hair didnt fall out but just turned a lovely white. For her soul, i worry not. I know she's in a better place. I do miss her. I miss not having grandparents around. But i admire them. For their strength, for their love for God and for memories. I hope i never forget.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


On a hiatus.
There's too much going on that i've been barely breathing.
I just need to stop for a bit.
I'm not running away this time.
Just taking a breather.
My inspirations gone cold.
My coffee's warm though.

Saturday, September 02, 2006


no rest for this poignant soul
another weekend dawns
with new expectations i find myself sadly a little more vexed
Give me grace God.

"In the chaos
in confusion
I know You’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days"
Hillsong United - None But Jesus,United We Stand

No longer at sea.
I'm pleasantly full.