Thursday, March 08, 2007

he longs for you...

I was reading this article about Unconditional Love and it got me thinking...

How many times have I refused Love in my life? How many times have i run away when all He wanted to do was love me more.
Face it, it can't be helped. No matter where you go, and how far you run, God still loves you.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases...

Have you ever been so mad at God, or so mad at the world that you take off in a huff and you just walk and walk till there's no where else to go or till your legs give out.
I did that once. I walked down to the lake and carried on walking till i came to a hut. It was getting dark and the place was lonely but i didnt care. In my frustration i cried out to God.

"Are you real? Do you love me? Do you even care bout all this shit i'm goin thru?"
I knew He was there.
yet.... i didn't wanna believe it.
I asked for a sign.
"If everything was gonna be okay could you just send rain or show me butterflies or a beetle!? Anything! I just wanna know that you're here. "

Silence.

After an hour or two, i started walking back towards the apartment i was staying at. Just up on the banks of the lake, near the pathway i was walking on, i saw something huge. I thought it was a crocodile at first. I swear it was HUGE. It looked almost as big as me even! I just looked at it. A monitor lizard. It stared right back at me as if challenging me to make a move. After about a minute or two, is slipped right back into the water and swam away....

"Ok God... i hear you. I asked for Butterflies! Not some killler monitor lizard!!"
As freaked out as i was, i started laughing. That was my sign. He heard me. He does have some sick sense of humor though.

Two years later, here I am. No longer running. But still seeking. For more. My heart longs for more of that love. I love this passage from this book i'm reading :
"God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotion." - Stasi Eldredge
I want that. No one else knows how to take my breath away, or knows what makes my heart beat faster. I'm learning to Love You in a whole new way. Do you delight in me? Do I make you smile?

I hope I do.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Vincent said...

yuck, scaly stuff. i know it's God's creation, still i find it ugly. =)

i think God gave much more than just scenic sunsets, falling stars, moonlight on lakes etc., although the author's description was beautiful and artistic.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Woman said...

hhahhahaha mel!! i can really imagine your shocked face when u saw that giant mother kahuna monitor lizard!! hahahahhahahhaha

10:58 AM  
Blogger lenard said...

hey... tats my monitor lizard swimming in my lake! hahahaha, so that's where u disappeared to. hehehe

11:47 AM  

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