Friday, June 29, 2007

it's just emotions taking me over.....

There are these times when we're trying to feel the nearness of God—but we don't. In these moments we feel nothing. We stare out the window. We're frozen, and the mind anxiously wanders. And at these junctures, there is seemingly very little connection between us and God—very little connecting us to the life of the world or the people surrounding us. It's an island of emotional isolation. We need to be near to God in these moments, but it feels like we can't. And so we heap guilt upon ourselves. We hear things like, "If you feel far away from God, guess who moved." Or someone asks us, "Are you doing your quiet times?" And we quickly deconstruct that there must be some problem with our level of personal devotion.

In the midst of all of this, rarely do we question the validity of our emotions. Rarely do we call to question the authority of our feelings. When our experience with God feels lifeless, we decide there is no life there. We believe that the connection has been cut and that therefore it must be our fault.

But maybe this is a lie. Maybe we've forgotten something. What if our emotions are misleading us? What if they do not directly correspond to our standing? What if emotion, like us, is human too and therefore flawed in its ability to inform us of our fate?
So things like cynicism, loneliness, apathy or discouragement creep into the forefront of our experience and overshadow the reality; the reality of an eternal hope. The reality that we are justified and, even in our imperfections, called perfect by a God who says we belong to Him. - Dave Fischer

Maybe you're just having a bad day, or a bad week, (month?)
I know that i can be a cynic, i do get lonely and apathy and discouragement sure do get a hold of me pretty often, and the past week has heard me vocalizing words and phrases that my mother would definitely disapprove of.

But i'm trying. To find that peace which says no matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, not matter how messed up you feel and how emotionally unstable you get....... it's okay.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

trust


please give me reason to trust you


....

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

blind lip reader

the title? nahh doesn't really mean anything. It just sounded cool. heh
But i DID have a run in with a blind lady...

SHE ALMOST KILLED ME!

ok not quite. Well she did trip me with her walking stick. Unintentionally of course. All because of some idiot who was leading her across the street. I tried moving out of the way... but she swished her stick to the left and it struck my ankles and I tripped. Right in the middle of the street.
And of course no one would blame the blind lady. So all eyes turned on me! The girl who tripped over a blind lady......Sigh.....

Friday, June 22, 2007

3 person day

I saw a lady walking in Bintang Walk with a construction helmet today.
Maybe she was epileptic.
I thank God all i have is the sniffles.

I saw a foreign lady with a mass of untamed carrot colored hair today.
I'm sure primping takes hours!
I thank God my wavy/curly/straight (ok just plain confused)-average looking hair is very tamable.

I went by the HQ today and met a nice old security guard who beamed up at me from his desk.
He was senile though, he forgot who i was 10 minutes later.
I thank God that I'm young and definitely not senile. (i just forget sometimes...on purpose)
---------------
"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." Anais Nin

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Saturday, June 16, 2007

tired

i'm sooooo freakin tired right now i could just about snap at anyone who gets within 5 inches of my toes, nevermind bout stepping on them!

It's funny how your day starts off as being great cause you're with great company and then the day/the person just wares you down and you suddenly wish you were back in your lonely apartment staring at the 4 walls and the blank screen of your pc which has broken down again (and again).

speaking of which.... I will NOT be doing any freelance design work for a long long time. cause EVERYTIME i get an assignment, my pc decides to go bananas on me which results in me not being able to deliver on time, which then results in me producing slapstick work, which THEN results in my clients not paying me the initially stated ammount, which then results in me thinking that i'm the most horrible designer on earth and... owh nevermind. It ain't worth the rant.

Bleh.....

i'm going to bed.

._.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

new music!

Check out Sounds Under Radio.

Their song Portrait of a Summer Thief comes out in the Spidey 3 soundtrack. Which is also an awesome soundtrack to get!

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

10 things i'd like to do everyday

1. Wake up just as the sun rises. I love having an early start to my day. Of course that never quite happens thanks to the good ol' snooze button.

2. One step. To do one thing that takes me one step closer to actualizing this dream.

3. Write. A blog post or an article.

4. Design. I really do need to update this.

5. Feed you soul. Aside from the daily devotion, i think its important to be well rounded, and well fed with things that will stir you. Read! No gossip columns don't count and neither does The superficial. (gosh i love that site!)

6. Stick your head in the clouds. well that's how i feel when i'm daydreaming. But i guess you could also call it creative visualization. There is no limits to what you can do, so let your mind wonder.

7. Get educated. No education doesn't stop once you've gotten your Bachelors Degree or Masters. Go for seminars, invest in books or take extra classes.

8. Get healthy. Nuff sed!

9. Catch up. We stay this ALL the time. But then there's work and church and freelance and then there's just excuses. It probably just boils down to who's actually worth your time. *shrug*

10. Craft and stuff. Who knows, i might be selling some stuff on Etsy soon.

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Saturday, June 09, 2007

lists

I'm into making lists lately. Not the average 'To do...' list or the shopping list but random lists of things. I'm gonna put them up here when i run out of things to blog about. :)
Like this one:

10 Things I do when I'm bored:

1. Make Lists of things to do when I'm bored
2. read articles
3. send emails
4. tidy my room
5. craft projects
6. watch a movie(s)
7. blog
8. surf
9. run up the phone bill
10. do absolutely nothing~

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Dear you

This is just a mere form of expression so please do not take this personally. It is NOT dedicated to ONE person but a few whom have crossed my path and have said things or assumed things about me.

Dear you,

I am thankful for your help in providing an open door and as i have told you countless of times, i will work hard and will be dedicated to the tasks given to me. I have always been a hard worker and I have always completed tasks given to me to the best of my ability.

I do not appreciate the insinuations that i am undependable and that i am not hard working or even that I am not an achiever. It is an insult on me and my intelligence if you think that i am passive and that i do not strive to achieve more in life. I might not have had much luck in the whole job scene, but that wasn't solely my fault. Me being sick, did not have anything to do with securing a job and mind you, I do drag myself to work even if I am sick. SO please do not assume that i am always absent from work due to sickness.

I do however agree with you that i need to reorder my lifestyle. That would take some adjusting on my part but I will do whatever it takes to improve on that.

I DO have my priorities in order and with all due respect I do not think it is right for anyone else to dictate to me where my priorities lie. I know what's at stake and i know what are the things that are important to me. Please do not think that you have got me all figured out and that you know the struggles I go through.

I have been solely independent since i graduated two years ago and have not relied on my parents for financial support. So stop telling me that I'm a burden to them! My parents are supportive in all that I do and i am not answerable to anyone else except to them. And last I checked, I have not let them down.

Forgive me if i seem impractical but I still do not believe that the measure of a man is based on how successfull he is in terms of employment.

I do thank you for voicing your concerns. I know you mean well and i do appreciate it.

lovingly yours,
melisa

Monday, June 04, 2007

band geek

Here's one Band Geek who totally rocks!

Laura Veirs

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ber samal samal

I'm back safe and sound!
I had an amazing trip and i can't even begin to describe what the whole experience was like.
Samal Island was fantastic and the people just awesome!

Of course we had a few bumps here and there and my patience was greatly tested by certain people. But all that aside, it was a good trip.

I think most of us were misinformed about Mindanao. Various people told us that it was dangerous with lots of bomb threats and kidnapping cases etc. And when we arrived at Davao airport it looked like some war torn area cause of the military personal with AK's walking around. But after we left the airport and got int the city, it began to look like any other South East Asian city. We took a ferry across to Samal Island and it was sooo beautiful.

I felt like i had my beach vacation and mission trip all at one go. =) The houses on Samal are pretty much like the Orang Asli houses in Camerons or Pahang. Bamboo huts with atap roofs and stuff but they had the most amazing scenery from their verandah's. Most of the people are fishermen or coconut harvesters and they live right by the sea. Imagine waking up everyday to the sound of waves and looking out onto the blue sea and skies.

One thing which was annoying in Samal was that the sun rises at 5am. And people start getting up and walkign around at that time. Being a light sleeper, i had to wake up at 5ish as well. *ugh!*
And the sun sets by 6pm. So its pitch dark in the evenings and everyone's in bed by 9pm.

Well we managed to meet a lot of the Foursquare Gospel Church pastors and we met the bible school students as well as a lot of the village kids and youth. Foursquare is like FAMOUS there and practically everyone has heard of it. (Take that you ignorant people who thought that Foursquare was some cult denomination! Yeah I've experienced some inquisitive and judgmental looks from fellow Christians when i told them which church I'm from. =p)

I think i did a lot of stuff i didn't think i could do in terms of public speaking and after much soul searching during my trip I'm still assured that i've not swayed from what i'm passionate about and i know that the 'calling' is still the same. I went to the Philipines at a time when i was driest. But i'm glad the experience was what i needed to refresh me.

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